Who would have ever guessed that Alanis Morisette would be the one to teach me about toxic habits that may be destroying my happiness? Allow me to explain.
I’ve been all about throwback music lately; the 90’s is where it’s at, bebe.
Anyway. Alanis Morisette has come on my station like 4 times in the last couple days and I have to say holy cow. Like, back when I was 8 years old and Alanis Morissette was in her prime, her music was lost on me. But now? Now as a 37 year old woman I GET IT. The angst. The emotion…
Her lyrics are so dang relatable (Uncle Joey nod aside). But she’s singing about her bad habits, right?
Which got me thinking about my own bad habits, and the conversations I have daily with clients about their bad habits.
And I realized: we all have this habit (pardon the pun) of adopting these really terrible routines without realizing it. We all have toxic habits that are probably holding us back in life in one way or another.
“You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn”
And all of this got me thinking about how much I’ve learned over the last decade (or two), and how many behaviors I had to recognize within myself as being toxic; while simultaneously learning how to adopt new, healthier, happier habits.
So, I’m here – to remind you, of the mess you left.. oh wait. No. I’m here to share some of those things I’ve learned, and the top 10 most common toxic traits that you’ve probably adopted, and need to stop, RIGHT NOW, so you can start living your best life.
10 Toxic Habits To Quit
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Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
It’s something that is SO easy to do, especially if you ever spend time on social media. But the truth of it is this: we are all unique, and no one’s life is ever as perfect as they make it seem for the ‘gram. Stop comparing your journey to someone else’s. The longer you keep comparing, the unhappier you will be. Learn how to love yourself for who you are, and where you are in your life. If you can only commit to to one toxic habit to quit this week, make it the game of comparison.
Stop Thinking You’re Undeserving / Stop Self-Sabotaging
You were created with a purpose, so it’s time to live up to that purpose. Stop thinking that you can’t do something just because it’s already been done. Maybe it has, but it hasn’t been done YOUR way. It hasn’t been told through your eyes or with your story. You deserve happiness, you deserve to be at the top of your priority list, and you deserve to make it happen. Learn to let go of those self-limiting beliefs.
Stop Being Glued to Your Phone
I need this reminder because I allow far too much time on my phone every single day. When we spend all day looking down at the device in our hands, we miss the opportunity to really live in the moment and form deeper connections with those around us. Set limits – you don’t have to give up your phone completely. But don’t live on the thing. Instead, create real-life experiences with those you love most.
Stop Putting Yourself Last / Stop Postponing Your Goals
As a mom, I’m super guilty of this. I put everyone’s needs before my own. It’s time to give that up. It doesn’t mean that you have to stop taking care of other people in your life, it just means that you value your own self worth enough to know you are deserving of being at the top of that list. Do something, every single day, to get you closer to your goal. Even if it’s something small. Take action. Even baby steps are movement.
Stop Pretending to be Someone or Something You’re Not
Instagram and Facebook are highlight reels, and we’re all guilty of putting on our happiest smiles and pretending that life is perfect. That’s one version of pretending to be someone you’re not. The other, is putting yourself in situations you don’t want to be in, in order to impress someone, or for any other ulterior motive. People can see through the “beers and sunsets” (as my 9 year old likes to smirk and say). Make today the day you stop pretending to be anything other than amazing, flawed, unique YOU.
This will be the true thief of all joy. When you spend all your time complaining – about everything; the weather, politics, work, people in your life, situations out of your control – you will start to see everything through negative-colored-glasses. Instead, look for the beauty and the positives out of any situation. It’s all about mindset. Are you choosing to see the glass as half empty, or half full?
Stop Blaming Others
This one is huge. And it took me a long time to realize it. Yes, sometimes things will be the fault of others. But in general, when you spend your life thinking that every outcome is the result of someone else who is to blame -then you will be in for a rude awakening one day. Take accountability for the things in your life, and have empathy for the things that indirectly affect you. You are the only one who is responsible for your happiness, and how you choose to respond to any given situation.
Stop Running or Hiding From Your Problems
Face them, head on. When we run from our problems we don’t solve them. We just bury them and hope to never see them again – but I’m telling you, they will resurface. They always do. Instead, get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Get comfortable admitting when you’re wrong, and get comfortable with learning how to overcome the tough stuff and find solutions for the future.
Stop Staying in Your Comfort Zone
Nothing amazing ever comes from comfort zones. I’m not saying you have to turn into a daredevil overnight, but think of something that makes you excited and scared – it’s probably going to be worth it, whatever it is. Go do that thing. Or at least work up to doing that thing. Get out of your comfort zone and try something new. There’s a whole world out there just waiting to be experienced, and no one has ever seen it through your eyes before.
Stop Living in the Past
We all have regrets. Every single one of us, whether we want to admit it, or not. But we can’t dwell on those regrets. That moment has come and gone, and continuing to live in the past- whether it was a time we regret or a time we were happier, or a time we miss – whatever it is, continuing to stay there day in and day out prevents us from living the life God intended. It’s okay to look back and think, “Okay..That stunk. Here’s what I learned, here’s what I wish I would have done, and here’s what I’ll do now.” But that’s just it. Look for those key points that will help you in the future – because there’s nothing you coulda/shoulda/woulda done – that changes anything now. So instead, look forward, and move forward.